Exit, pursued by a bear

midsummerfemme:a young adult novel series where a girl hides her gender to become a knight but in...

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 20:01:46 -0400

a young adult novel series where a girl hides her gender to become a knight but in the end it turns out theyre all women pretending to be men so the rest of the books are just abt lesbianism and swords

have you read “monstrous regiment” by Terry Pratchett?

spectra-bear: My brother sent me the most blessed video of all...

Sat, 23 Jun 2018 15:00:43 -0400

spectra-bear:

My brother sent me the most blessed video of all time

every episode of queer eye

Sat, 23 Jun 2018 08:12:57 -0400

mistergoodkat:

bobby: your house is blue and grey now
antoni: do you like dip
tan: patterned shirt, french tuck
jonathan: literally just wash your face
karamo: FACE YOUR DEMONS

babyanimalgifs:Chubby puppies that look like teddy bears

Sat, 23 Jun 2018 08:05:40 -0400

babyanimalgifs:

Chubby puppies that look like teddy bears

justlookatthosesausages: invisiblespork: ohhowlucky: danteogod...

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 17:24:15 -0400

justlookatthosesausages:

invisiblespork:

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.

Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?

Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…

BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’

Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.

And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]

reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg

ben-yatta:i keep seeing the gif set so here’s the video clip

Fri, 08 Jun 2018 23:54:37 -0400

ben-yatta:

i keep seeing the gif set so here’s the video clip

dipdamnderoo: I made a thing. Happy pride 🏳️‍🌈

Tue, 05 Jun 2018 22:04:26 -0400

dipdamnderoo:

I made a thing. Happy pride 🏳️‍🌈

acapelladitty:I wish I put as much effort into my life as Phil Collins did into the Tarzan...

Tue, 05 Jun 2018 22:03:00 -0400

acapelladitty:

I wish I put as much effort into my life as Phil Collins did into the Tarzan soundtrack

haveamagicalday:Happy Pride Month!

Sun, 03 Jun 2018 19:40:37 -0400

haveamagicalday:

Happy Pride Month!

cutiepje: happy pride month remember that bisexuals in m/f relationships are still a valid and...

Fri, 01 Jun 2018 13:07:36 -0400

cutiepje:

happy pride month remember that bisexuals in m/f relationships are still a valid and important part of the lgbt community

fuocogo: knitmeapony: Mark Hamill goodnaturedly patting...

Mon, 28 May 2018 23:04:24 -0400

fuocogo:

knitmeapony:

Mark Hamill goodnaturedly patting Chadwick Boseman on the shoulder to celebrate his success is one of the most blessed images I’ve ever seen.

This is the Money Chadwick. Reblog In 47 minutes to get 48 million dollars.

Photo

Mon, 28 May 2018 10:40:21 -0400

shygaladriel: tokissgold: biff-donderglutes: stimman3000: https...

Mon, 28 May 2018 10:24:37 -0400

shygaladriel:

tokissgold:

biff-donderglutes:

stimman3000:

https://instagram.com/p/BjNePqtgSFS/

FUCK OFF IT’S JUST WOODWORKING AT THIS POINT

Like what is one supposed to do with this though

cvberdemon: sometimesboffosometimesnot: Once again this whole blog has been brought to you...

Mon, 21 May 2018 14:33:58 -0400

cvberdemon:

sometimesboffosometimesnot:

Once again this whole blog has been brought to you by

SAND!

It’s EVERYWHERE!

Get used to it!

severus-snape-is-a-butt-trumpet: dumbledore’s army using the bittenbinder methodharry: what you...

Fri, 18 May 2018 23:32:23 -0400

severus-snape-is-a-butt-trumpet:

dumbledore’s army using the bittenbinder method
harry: what you gotta do is throw voldemort off his rhythm. STREET SMARTS!

yourscientistfriend: ravibun: darecrow: We’ve found itSnail...

Fri, 18 May 2018 08:25:57 -0400

yourscientistfriend:

ravibun:

darecrow:

We’ve found it
Snail Church

snurch

Take me to snurch

mirrorfalls: Fundamentalist fearmongering video: This dungeon “master” is given complete control and...

Tue, 15 May 2018 22:24:03 -0400

mirrorfalls:

Fundamentalist fearmongering video: This dungeon “master” is given complete control and “players” must do whatever dark things are demanded of them.

Real DM: Please, just cross the river. You’ve all tried to seduce the catfish and it didn’t work. I’m begging you.

@theoriginalmagitha @babynaturalist that time I fuckin launched Maggie across a river like a football when there was a boat 20 feet downstream

theoriginalmagitha: @the-mighty-interrobang why does this...

Tue, 15 May 2018 17:29:16 -0400

theoriginalmagitha:

@the-mighty-interrobang why does this remind me of you

Because I’m pretty sure I did that with a pink pill in the library during exam week 🙈

not-the-conversation-starter: kayla-na: bulma-briefly: Grandpa...

Tue, 15 May 2018 16:45:20 -0400

not-the-conversation-starter:

kayla-na:

bulma-briefly:

Grandpa Piccolo’s babysitting tips 101

Piccolo is a better parent than Goku :x

Piccolo is just the best parent

@alolandunsparce Papa-lo strikes again

facetsofthecloset: So I’m watching a bunch of Let’s Plays to...

Tue, 15 May 2018 16:41:56 -0400

facetsofthecloset:

So I’m watching a bunch of Let’s Plays to keep the oppressive silence and loneliness at bay, and THAT’S A DISCWORLD REFERENCE?